I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please come you make the beer taste better
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
