dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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