so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
