yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
