Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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