So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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