He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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