Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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