glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
