yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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