can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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