my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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