all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
