Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
