u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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