Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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