i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
third nipple confirmed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
