There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
