Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
