i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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