Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
