You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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