I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
