I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
