ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
