He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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