You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
