They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
