I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
