I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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