So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
