I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize