It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We left the knife in your bed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
