he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
