i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
