I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
