yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
