I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
