this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
