you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
