there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I want to fling myself into the sun
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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