I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
