1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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