if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
