my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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