Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
