when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
