I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
