where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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