ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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