i don't like sucking hair
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
