Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
look no pants
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
