im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't deserve a penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
