My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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