I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
