I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
