I wish I could punch you in the face.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
