I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
