Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
