I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
