Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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