her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
