Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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