I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
