I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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