Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize