I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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