she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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