His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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