She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I touched a dick in church today
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