dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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