I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
