This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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