She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
