Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
