Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
