Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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