I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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