I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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