My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
