Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
