There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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