i don't like sucking hair
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize