After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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