somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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