'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Two words: blizzard sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
