oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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