Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
